Walking With Taylor is a Good Thing

I stay up too late......especially if something is eating at me.

I don't consider myself one of those easily-offended, overly-sensitive types but a friend said some harsh words while laughing at me and it felt like a stinging slap. Her words hurt. Like really.

Late into the night, I'm up - thinking about it. 

In the morning, I'm talking to her in my head while I vacuum.  Don't you remember how I tried to help you? Why would you say something like that about me?  

And while I sort laundry, I went out of my way for you.  

While I pull weeds, Why didn't you tell me you felt that way?  

And while I'm cleaning toilets, I thought you were my friend.  

Into the late afternoon and early evening, I am thinking about it some more, and I'm talking to her in my head some more and I'm trying to make sense of it some more.  And this is all just getting me no where.  I am exhausted and numb....

Feels like I got nothin' in my brain.

Time for a walk.

Its dusk - almost dark.  I put my ear buds in and I'm off.  

I have more courage on dusky walks then I do on morning walks.  Everyone can see me on my morning walk so I walk responsibly. I would never snap or clap or bust a move on a morning walk.  And I don't sing out loud either.  What if I'm not sounding as good as I think I sound? Probably not the case, but what if?  

But at dusk -  just before almost dark - its sort of like I'm invisible.  

I start singing -- out loud.  And cruising,

         I can't stop - won't stop - moving,  
         Its like I got this music in my mind sayin' its gonna be alright.

Me and Taylor clap three times in unison here and it is glorious.  We are belting it out and I gotta say, together we sound pretty good.

         Heart breakers gonna break break break break break
         and People gonna say things about you that hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt 
         (I added this line and Taylor loved it.)

         Shake it off.  Shake it off.

I'm really feeling it now.  I'm all happy clappy cruising down the sidewalk. I close my eyes to give the next line a little more passion - trip over my left foot - move sideways and bump into Taylor who falls off the curb and lands in the gutter. "Oooh, I'm so sorry. I'm not much of a dancer."

"Well, I never miss a beat," she says hopping back up beside me. "I'm lightning on my feet!"  She winks and giggles..... "Actually, I make up the moves as I go."

She puts her hand on my shoulder and tells me that she and I are kinda the same:  Really good at some things and not so good at others.  We keep cruising and moving and shaking it off.

Somewhere between one 'Shake it off'' and another 'Shake it off,' a man passes by with his dog.

I didn't see him coming.

Had he noticed me cruising and moving down the sidewalk?  Did he hear me singing out loud?  Oh my goodness, was I even on key??!

And here's the most embarrassing part.  Because I normally walk early in the day, I called "Good Morning!" after him.  Urgggg.

Taylor senses my embarrassment and calls back to the man, "Hey, hey, hey, while you've been hanging out with your cute little dog taking some boring evening stroll, my friend and I have been gettin' down to This. Sick. Beat."  She giggles again and we keep on cruisin'.  

          Shake it off.  Shake it off.
          Taylor backs me up here...."You've got to" 
          Shake it off.  Shake it off.

Part of me knows that I'm going to have to go deeper to really resolve this...you know, get the Lord in on it, but for now it just feels so good to be out cruising and moving and singing my heart out with Taylor.

          Its like I got this music in my mind sayin' its gonna be alright.

          Cause, heart breakers gonna break break break break break
(Here comes the line I wrote again, because it bears repeating and because its just so good.)
          People gonna say things about you that hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt 
          Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
          Shake it off.  Shake it off.

Once I'm a few doors from my house, my singing slows down, gets whispery and tapers off......

          Shake it off...  Shake it off....

Taylor moves on to another song and I remove my ear buds.

As I reach the front porch,  I am amazed at how much better I feel.  Refreshed and rejuvenated. Wow. This walking with Taylor is a good thing.  I take one more deep cleansing breath and open the door. My mind is calm and more peaceful. I'm glad to be back home. 



P.S.
And to the fella over there.....With a little less hair.....



Won't you come on over baby,  We could shake--shake--shake....."

Leading with Humility, Stumbling with Pride

         
I was dumbfounded when he asked if I would lead the congregational hymns every Sunday.

     "I really appreciate the compliment, but I have no idea how to lead music.  I have never learned."

     "So you will do it then?"

Strange response.

       Do you struggle with hearing issues or just really poor communication skills?

He looked at me pointedly - suggesting that if either of us had issues, it was clearly not him.

     "I will think about it, I guess."

Mumbling now......."I mean I guess I could think about it."

Walking away still  mumbling,...... "I'm not sure what there is to think about though.  I mean either you can lead music or you can't."

Out of earshot now (though not sure that mattered).  Still mumbling...... but LOUDER, "AND  I CAN'T  LEAD  MUSIC.    I THINK I MADE THAT CLEAR.  Sheesh."

The organist, Susan, was an amazing musician.  A Julliard-School-of-Music-graduate kind of amazing.

     "Don't you think a person who leads the hymns in front of the congregation should know how to lead music?  I mean like - have that skill down?"

     "Oh, Yes", she said.

BIG SIGH.

     "A person would definitely need to be skilled in order to lead the congregation effectively."

Yup.  That's exactly what I thought.  I was loaded with wisdom now and from a stellar musician who KNEW.  Back I went ....to share the wisdom with him.

    "So you will do it then?"

I was amazed.

     "Look," he said, " We don't really care about your skill level." 

           Uh, friend, we're not talking about a skill LEVEL.  We are talking about NO SKILL.

    "We are just looking for someone who can smile and sing at the same time."

    "OOOh, well in that case, how about you get someone who can lead and I'll stand next to them and smile and sing?" 

No response.

    "Could you tell the congregation that?"  

    "Tell them what?"

    "Could you tell them that all you wanted me to do was smile and sing at the same time?"

I could only imagine the congregation's great sigh of relief once they realized that actually being able to lead music had nothing to do with anything here. "OOOh. Well she's pretty good at smiling and singing at the same time.  I mean I never could figure what that poor girl was trying to do with her arm."

Susan agreed to meet with me early each Sunday.  Susan was humble and kind and patient and encouraging. I was scared, uptight, insecure and worried - mostly about what others would think of me.

Patiently, she went over measures, time signatures and downbeats.  "As you direct the music, the first beat of your beat pattern should correspond with the first beat in each measure.  This first beat is called the downbeat (or in some cases, the upbeat) and is the strongest beat in the measure.  At the beginning of the hymn,  the chorister moves her arm to the downbeat like so.  This is her way of letting the congregation know that it is time for them to begin singing."

I'm tracking with her, like barely, all the while remembering what he had said.  "We're just looking for someone who can smile and sing at the same time."   Uh huh, right.

Susan taught me the two-beat pattern, the three-beat pattern, the four-beat pattern and even the six-beat pattern.  It was especially exciting when it came time to sing Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd, a hymn with a 6/4 time signature.  A few minutes before the meeting started, Susan explained to me, "This is a hymn with a moderate tempo, so it may be conducted by omitting the second and fifth beats of the traditional six-beat pattern.  You can just pause at those points in the pattern."

"Do you understand?"

"Uh...."

She had me stand next to her as she gracefully demonstrated what she had just taught. 

For several weeks, we continued the process.  The dignified and accomplished Julliard Graduate gently teaching the one who, years ago, chose to quit piano lessons to grow her nails.

                                                  ________________________
                                                 
On this one particular Sunday morning,  Susan played a beautiful intro -

                                  All creatures of our God and King

and I missed the downbeat...which for me meant I'd be off for the rest of the hymn so I tried to go back and fix it ... do a re-do, a start-over, but the congregation was already ahead of me, looking completely befuddled.  "Uh Lisa, are we trying to sing this one in a round or something?"

My faced burned red.  

Once the hymn was over, I sat down and went into deep prayer.  "Lord, please get me out of  here.  Pah-leeease get me out of here.  I'm so embarrassed.  Why am I here?  I have no idea what I am doing. You knew I couldn't lead music, Lord.  I'm in way over my head.   Please, get me out of here."

As the meeting came to a close, Susan began to play the familiar chords of Redeemer of Israel. one of my favorites.  Still rankling from my embarrassing mishap, I managed to stand again to sing and do my clumsy leading.

                               Redeemer of Israel, Our only Delight

I caught the eye of the woman in the third pew, over to the right.  She was a crotchety one.  She didn't just walk into the chapel each week, she marched in - her husband shuffling about 10 feet behind carrying her bag.  Seemed like she pretty much hated everybody.  Except maybe her husband.  Maybe.

                                  On Whom for a blessing we call.....

She sang these words of hope and healing with a scowl on her face.  

                      Our Shadow by day and our Pillar by night
                                  
I knew I had lost the timing somewhere between the second and third line, but I managed to smile at her anyway.....while singing at the same time.

                             Our King, our Deliverer, our All

 And eventually, almost like a miracle, she smiled back.

                              

Sarah's Box

Once there was a little girl named Sarah, and Sarah had a box.  She loved to climb into her box and close the lid.  She liked the feel of the box around her.  She fit in the box so perfectly. Another little girl came along and Sarah shared the box with her.

“You get in and I’ll close the lid”,  Sarah offered. Wow!  She fit in the box perfectly too!

“This is fun”, said her new friend.  “We have each other and we have a wonderful box that we can play and hide in – we fit in it so well.”

Then a third little girl came and Sarah said, “Look at my box.  Would you like to climb in and play?”

“No!” said the third little girl.  “I won’t fit in the box.”

“Oh, sure you will,” replied Sarah.  “Climb in!  You’ll see!”

The third little girl climbed into the box.  It was difficult, but after several adjustments, she was able to sit down.  Sarah jumped with delight.

“See?  Here, now I’ll close the lid.”

Ahhh, but the lid wouldn't close...

Hmmm, thought Sarah.  “I know, put your head down.  Then the lid will close.”

The little girl did and Sarah began to lower the lid, but this time, her elbow came out  -  and then her whole arm .  Finally, the third little girl stood up.

“I don't want you to put me in this box.  I don't fit in the box.”

Sarah was feeling afraid.  “You're not like us.  We can both fit in this box and we like it in there.”

“No, I'm not like you.  I am different, but I'd like to play with you.  Look what I can do with the box.  I can climb up on top.  See?  I am up high and I can jump off.  Wheeee!  Come…come and try it!”

Sarah and the other little girl weren’t sure, but it did look like fun to jump off the box.

. . . . . and so the box changed.  It became not only a hiding place, but a climbing place - a jumping place – a growing place – a joyful place.

The three little girls formed a circle and danced around the box holding hands – round and round they danced – forming a perfect circle.